Jump Refusal

It's one of those bad riding days. Wait, did I ever have a good one...like ever?

I'm not going to dwell or rant (much) but just when you think you're doing well, something always has to go wrong. Now that I have no issues with recovery after a jump nor feel the need to lean way back after the jump, in fear of Trojan taking off (as she did in the past since she gets excited over jumps), the opposite happens. She refuses the jump nearly making me topple over. Of course everything that goes wrong is my fault, which can be really frustrating. Worse was when I was asked what I really wanted to do, jump or do dressage. Clearly it means I'm hopeless when it comes to jumping.

I approach the jump, not gripping too much on the reins, looking straight ahead and lightly lift my butt off the saddle. I no longer cluck nor nudge her with my heels as I am told to sit quietly and let her  go over the jump. But she started refusing, and it's because I'm not being aggressive and encouraging. Honestly, I'm confused. This is the disadvantage of riding only once a week. I don't know the horse I ride well enough and perhaps we don't have that connection and getting mixed signals from each other.

Anyhow, it's good that Dennis was there and was able to video it. Here it is. I welcome feedback :o)