defeated supermom?

How appropriate to have stumbled upon this video on YouTube, by Sophianinam, while I was viewing my jumping vids. You see, I had my first (and hopefully the last) emotional break down during my lesson last Sunday. Who would have thought I’d be so affected? After all, it’s just riding and it’s not like I’m ever going to compete in a big event. The Jump Club was already something.


Yeah sure I get shouted and yelled at almost every single lesson like I can’t do anything right. In fairness, I’ve had really good days like the last week before the year ended. But I’m very passionate about the sport and it tests me physically and emotionally. I expect a lot from myself, and so does my instructor, so despite all the efforts and hard work, I seem to be going nowhere which really disappointed me to the point I just broke down. So embarrassing! I’m normally perceived as a nonchalant person.

A lot of thoughts in my head. All of a sudden I was thinking of work, too. Work 2011 pushed me to my limits, an experience I can’t seem to get over and shake off. In all my years with the company, that was the only time I felt absolutely useless and didn’t count. While still on the horse and hearing my instructor say something I didn’t do right, the frustration of not being good enough finally got to me. No matter how hard I’ve tried or worked…it’s not enough.

So in riding, I’ve put so much hours, days (and the cost, too) and heart in chasing my ridiculous childhood dream. Getting up early on Saturdays and Sundays to saddle soap my saddle and bridle before heading off for my riding when I should be waking up late because it’s the weekend. The physical pains from riding, not to mention the falls – black and blue with bruises. I pressure myself as much my instructor, perhaps more. Is it worth it? Do I really need to put myself through all this in pursuit of a dream?

So, do I give up? We shall see.

Horse Jumping

the best part of horse riding is jumping! the feeling is absolutely exhilarating! it's an excitement i can't describe. for one, it's truly a partnership between the horse and the rider. anyone can go over a jump on a bike, motorbike, etc. you have better control handling an object compared to an animal that thinks on its own with moods. it is dangerous. remember what happened to superman? so it's a must that the flatwork is close to perfect before jumping.

my problem then...and sadly it has returned...is my recovery. after a jump, i seem to be having problems leaning/sitting back to avoid falling over the horse. it has been my biggest dread and after i have been doing so well and was told that i am 90% close to perfecting my recovery from a jump...i fell off the horse just this sunday. i'm fine but sore on the side where i first hit the ground. i was honestly shaken, and still am. as much as i dream about entering a competition, i'm not quite sure i have the guts any more. falling off is inevitable but i don't know how many falls i can take (2 falls so far and it wasn't a good feeling at all).

indeed, practice is very important. just before the new year, i had 3 lessons in one week and ended my last lesson jumping 3 poles - 1 bar, 1 bar and oxer. it went very well and my instructor seemed very pleased. however, january started off very busy in the office leaving me physically and mentally exhausted plus activities left and right. i was only able to go back to riding this sunday - missing 2 weeks or 4 lessons. i think that's why i didn't do too well.

Hooray for Today!

My year was off to a very happy start when I saw this commercial on TV. It's such a fun and feel good commercial! Not only that, the white horse in it is actually Trojan, the horse that I have been riding. They made her white in case you're wondering. She's a star and I'm so proud!

Lesson: Round Neck

Making the horse's neck round while you ride allows the horse to carry the rider better. Just imagine carrying a heavy load on your back. Don't we normally hunch our back which slightly moves our chin closer to our chest? Picture carrying a heavy sack on your back.

Similarly, it'll be easier for the horse to support the rider better. However, it's something I'm working on. The supposed trick is to fiddle with the reins with your fingers to signal the horse to be round. If that doesn't work, pull the reins down while in a halt position - emergency pull (?)

Not only does it make the horse look really nice, but it's helping them a great deal.

2012 Road Map

No matter how old I am, I still enjoy coming up with a list of what I’d want to happen for the coming year. I wouldn’t say it’s a NY’s resolution’s list but it’s more of a wish list for the year. It gives me a direction on what I want to achieve. Similar to a business plan but not as painful. For as long as I have been doing it, some of the items on the list do happen. I’m just jotting things down so this doesn’t come in any particular order.


1. Lose weight. I should actually cross this one out since it’s always on my list and evidently it hasn’t happened. I am seriously considering going to the gym but don’t really want to spend when I should just exercise at home. I was able to do it before so I should. Posting a skinny picture of myself on the ref didn’t stop me from getting food. Hahaha!

2. Travel. I miss travelling. I’d really love to go somewhere on our 7th year anniversary.

credits: http://www.timeout.com/prague/



how beautiful is that?!


3. Have another baby. We’ve been longing to have another baby. If it happens, it’ll happen. It will be fun and Matt will make a great big brother!

4. Buy my LV Tivoli. Erhm…that or a new saddle. That’s a tough one.

5. Have the chance to compete in a horse show. The next season is in September. However, I think there’s an annual horse show some time April or May. Crossing my fingers that I’ll be able to join.

6. Cut down on my daily fraps. You know what, if I did, I’d be able to:
a. Save P135 I spend on Caramel Macchiato frap (blended whip!). Imagine, I’ll be able to save P675 a week.
b. Cut down on deadly calories

7. Have a blog entry every month at least :o)



So that’s my list. Let’s see how it’ll turn out. What’s on yours?

Christmas Season!

Christmas Eve

simple meal on Christmas eve

pre-new year's eve

waiting for the guests

buying sparklers for NY's eve